Do you ever feel, Blown Away?
July 3rd, 1994- There was a time where I was content. As a child I was joyful, unaware, ignorance was bliss. Yet one day I was blown away. by something I saw. I cant seeem to remember it all too well now but if I saw it a second time I dont know if I could face it again. It felt like all of my deepest darkest fears looking straight into the bare of my soul. I truly believe I almost died that night. My Nightmares had been getting worse, I was around 15 at the time, Ma blamed it on the constant horror movies and violent videogames I would play all the time, I endured hours of her rants "Its all those damn games you play"! But no I could sense this was something bigger, but it never even crossed my mind that it could be something that kills me. After a while my mom made me see a doctor or a "Therapist" for a better terminology but I hesitate to call him that because he helped me none. Instead they drugged me up. Everynight I would take these meds. I cant quite remember what they were called but they would basically numb my body until I could sleep because I was having trouble sleeping, I didnt want another nightmare. The medicine imobolized me not only physically but mentally. In these dreams I was tortured but my body was numb. I couldn't do do anything about it. I blame my mother for how weak I became. But as I got older the dreams slowly stopped happening and im thankful for that but every so often i'll have this dream about this man slowly turning towards me and smiling wide eyed at me. Its creepy but it's not alarming yet. I still wanted to write it down so I have a recollection of it. Anwyays This has been fun, signing off, Micheal B.
august 23rd, 1995- God. Where do I begin? Where do I end? Its been over a year now and the dreams started back again...This time their worse. I see the same man as before but this time his head is blown off and he creeps torwards me before opening his mouth to speak but its only the sound of my loved ones screaming. Ive had dreams like this before. but this. this is some unkown evil, I can feel it. I started drinking again, it helps numb whatever demon is in my repulsive mind. Ive started questoning my sanity, ive also debated on checking myself into a mental hospital. If things dont get better soon, I fear death may be the only answer.
August 25th, 1995- Im losing motivation to check back in but I must remain strong, I cant let "It", whatever it is, take over me, it has started slightly affecting my daily thoughts. Flashbacks to bad times in my life. One example being of back when i was a teenager how I used to get thrown around by these douchebags, one took a bite right out of my gut, a huge chunk. Whatever this thing is, it makes me feel that pain, over and over again it feels like. Im Exhausted, I try to stay up as long as possible every night with very few amounts of actual sleep inbetween, it feels like being haunted by "Freddy Kreuger" or some bullshit like that. I try to get up to get myself some help but it's like it knows. It wont let me actually say or try to get any help whatsover, this is my only outlet. Hell, Im too tired to get up.
